***NC-17 LEMON***

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Gundam Wing

AC 197

The mission was all fucked up. Heero knew they were in trouble the moment they began, and Hilde had been recruited to come along. They needed someone with hacking skills and Heero was going to be too busy along with Duo fighting off the enemy if they got caught. And of course they did. Duo had joked beforehand about having a run of bad luck before they left. It seems he had tripped down the stairs, cut his thumb on a pairing knife and had locked himself out all in one week.

Heero had motioned to him a moment before to keep silence, but an itch appeared in Duo’s nose out of nowhere, and he just couldn’t stop himself. He sneezed. Suddenly the lights went from yellow to red.

“Damnit, they’re on to us,” Heero told him. Duo nodded as he sneezed again. “Hell of a time for my hay fever to get me!” They could hear the sound of feet running towards them. Duo looked at Heero, who kept his eyes on the hallway ahead of them. “Ten, maybe twelve of them,” he informed Duo. Duo nodded. He hid in the shadows until Heero gave the signal, and they both turned and opened fire.

They got most of them, but somehow Duo wasn’t quick enough.

A moment later Hilde came running from the control room, the data safe in her hand. She stopped in midstep. “Oh my god—Duo!!!”

Heero was holding Duo in his arms, slowly lowering him to the floor. Their backs were turned to Hilde, but she could see the blood beginning to puddle on the floor.

“Hilde, stay back!” Heero shouted to her. She continued forward, ignoring him. “Hilde, I mean it, get the hell out of here! Call for help—get Sallie!” Hilde finally spun around and headed off to get help.

Heero spread Duo’s limp body out on the floor. “Come on, Duo, stay with me. For Hilde’s sake stay with me,” he shouted to him, beginning CPR. After a moment with no response he began hitting his chest to get his heart started again. “Duo, damnit, stay with me!”

Hilde stared at Duo’s body through the glass. They had just finished operating on him and Sallie came out of the room. “Hilde, I have to be honest with you.” Hilde nodded but kept her face towards Duo, not lifting her hands from the glass. “Duo’s got a rough road ahead of him right now. Only time will tell if he’ll pull through.” Hilde nodded again. She heard Sallie walk away, but still refused to tear her eyes away.

She heard footsteps again. Sallie must have forgotten to tell her something. But she turned in surprise as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Heero,” she whispered, looking at him for a moment, then looking back at Duo. A tear began to fall from her face, then another. “Hilde, I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.” “No, don’t blame yourself,” Hilde snapped. “It’s part of the dangers of war, part of being a Gundam pilot. Duo warned me so many times that this might happen.” Heero nodded, turning towards Duo. “He will live.” Hilde turned to him. “How can you be sure?” Heero began walking away. “He’s a Gundam pilot. He’ll live.” “Heero,” Hilde called after him. “Please, don’t leave me.” She shocked herself at the sound of desperation in her voice. “I mean, I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

He nodded and returned to her side. She raised her hand to her mouth, trying to keep from sobbing, but nothing could stop her once she began. All the tears, all of her fears poured out. Somewhere in all of this she felt two arms wrap around her and hold her steady, but she continued on for a while.

She awoke with a start. She didn’t remember falling asleep, but she was in a chair in the waiting room, a hospital blanket pulled up around her. She turned and saw Heero sitting beside her, reading a book. “Heero?” He shook his head. “No change.” She nodded. She tried standing up but realized she was dizzy. Heero immediately jumped up and caught her. “You haven’t eaten anything for a couple of days. You’re weak right now.” “Guess I am,” she sighed, feeling the emptiness in her stomach now. Heero motioned to a bag on the waiting table. “I brought that for you.” She smiled and muttered thanks while opening the bag. A turkey sandwich, apple and juice were inside. “Heero, thanks for taking care of me. You didn’t have to do this.” He looked at her, puzzled. “I thought that’s what friends did.” Hilde gave him a crooked smile. Friend? That was the first time Heero had ever called her “friend.” “Yeah, that’s what they do.”

She ate her sandwich greedily, then realized she needed to slow down or she would lose it. She wasn’t able to finish the apple—her stomach had shrunk after not eating, but she was definitely feeling better. After a moment she got up.

“I’m going to see how he is,” she told Heero. He nodded and followed her down the hall. Sallie was outside with Quatre. “Hilde!” Quatre shouted as he saw her, running to embrace her. She held on to him for a moment. “How are you holding up?” “I’m doing all right, thanks to Heero.” Heero turned his face away a little.

“I’ve got some news, some good, some bad,” Sallie began. “The good news is that his chances of surviving are going up. Some of his vitals are going back to normal though he still hasn’t woken up.” Sallie took a deep breath, as they all waited for her to continue. “The bad news is that he may not walk again. The bullet grazed his spinal cord
here,” she announced, holding up an x-ray, “knocking against this vertebrae. Right now he’s paralyzed from the waist down, but it may only be temporary.”

Hilde nodded, silently saying a prayer of thankfulness for Duo’s life. “Duo ’s bad luck—he kept going on about it before the mission. Can I go in and see him?” she asked Sallie.

“Yes, but just be careful around him. You might be able to help bring him back.” Hilde nodded and walked into the room. Heero watched her through the glass.

“Heero, you’re not fooling anyone. You blame yourself.” Heero turned and saw Quatre’s eyes looking at him, concerned.

Heero turned away. “I can’t help it. Could have been any of us.”

“That’s not what I meant, Heero. You blame yourself for Hilde’s pain. I can see it in your eyes.”

Heero said nothing in response. Quatre spoke the truth and it buried itself like a knife in his heart. People always seemed to get hurt around him. He thought of Relena.

He had stayed away from her after the war, thinking it was probably better that way. Then later on he changed his mind and realized he had hurt her worse by staying away, and so he went back trying to make amends. But this time Relena pushed him away. “Stay away from me, Heero. You don’t love me. If you did you wouldn’t have waited so long.”

But the problem was he did love her. He just didn’t know how to love.

Three days later and there was still not much change in Duo. He still lay in a coma and no one knew when or how he would come out of it, but one thing was for sure--Heero was confident he would and that he would live. Quatre also held a strong hope, and Hilde leaned on that. But after three days she looked almost as bad as Duo. She wouldn’t eat much and slept little. Sallie let her stay in with Duo as much as she could, but Sallie finally put her foot down.

“Hilde, you need to go home and get rest. You’re not doing Duo any bit of good in the condition you’re in. I’ve asked Heero to take you home and look after you. And do not argue with me about it.”

Hilde opened her mouth to protest anyway when Heero walked in the room. “Trowa and Wu-Fei are going to come and relieve Quatre of duty, so I will take you home now.” Hilde nodded in silent agreement, knowing there wasn’t anything she could say.

They didn’t say anything on the ride back. Hilde fumbled for her keys for a moment on the front steps but Heero still was silent, until they were in the house. Then Hilde collapsed on the couch.

“Damnit. Why did this have to happen to him, Heero? Hasn’t he been through enough?” Heero sat down on the opposite end of the couch, looking at her. She began to sob, hugging her knees as she cried. Heero still didn’t say anything, just sat there. After a moment she stopped and looked up at him, her eyes red.

“Gosh, I’m sorry, Heero. I didn’t mean that to sound like it did. I just meant the same thing for all of you, you know—you all have been through so much shit now, it just doesn’t seem fair that something like this has to happen.”

“Maybe it does have to happen. Sometimes I feel like we were chosen to free the people but also to bear the sins of war as well.”

“Don’t talk like that,” Hilde retorted, her eyes narrow, full of rage. “Damnit, no one deserves this.” She rose from the couch. “I’m going to get a shower. You don’t have to stay here, but I know you probably won’t leave anyway, so there’s extra blankets and pillows in—in Duo’s room,” she managed to say. He nodded. She walked over to the stairs, then turned back.

“Heero, thank you. I’m sorry I’m just such a mess right now. I know there are other things you’d rather be doing than making sure I eat and sleep.”

Heero just looked at her, expressionless. She turned and continued up the stairs, closing the door of her room. She again collapsed on the bed. “Duo, I miss you so much. I’m just glad you’re still alive.”

Meanwhile, Heero went to Duo’s room and grabbed the extra blanket and pillow off of his bed. He glanced around Duo’s room, startled at how clean it was. Hilde must clean it for him, he thought to himself. He returned to the living room, spreading the blanket on the couch, then stripping down to boxers curled up under the blanket. He could hear the shower running, then stopping. He heard her footsteps from the bathroom to her own room, the sound of the light clicking off. Then he could hear her crying, softly.

Duo, she’s so strong, I can see why you fell in love with her. Why can’t I fall in love like that? He pondered this as he drifted off to sleep, now that Hilde’s crying had stopped. Before he began to dream he thought of Relena, if they could ever be in love the way Hilde and Duo were.

He awoke slowly, hearing a sound, trying to make it out. He looked at his watch. 3:30AM. Then he heard the sound again and sat straight up. It was coming from Hilde’s room, and he realized she must be crying again. He lay back down on the couch, waiting. She didn’t stop. Suddenly he found himself off of the couch and slowly creeping up the stairs. He reached her room, and softly knocked, then opened the door.

“Hilde?” he spoke softly, entering. As the door opened he saw her, blankets twisted and tied up around her. Her light pink tank top glowed in the light coming from the door. Her eyes were dark from crying and being unable to sleep.

“Heero,” she breathed softly. He took another step in the door. She sat staring at him for a moment. “Come here.”

He moved to the side of her bed, then noticed that she had moved over. He sat down, and felt her arms wrap around his shoulders and neck. She began to shake again as the sobs came. He pulled his own arms around her and began to rub her back, gently.

“I’m so sorry, Heero,” she began. He pulled her back, looking into her eyes, confused. “I’m sorry that you guys all have to live like that. I feel so bad. I should be so thankful that Duo is alive, but I find myself more upset that people would want to hurt you. You saved his life, Heero. I am so grateful for that.” She smiled at him through her tears.

He surprised both of them by giving her a smile—something he hadn’t done in years. Then he reached up and brushed a lock of hair from her face. “Get some rest,” he said. “I’ll see you in the morning.” She smiled again and pulled away, settling back in the covers. He rose from the bed and left the room, closing the door.

He returned to the couch, sinking down on the cushions. What are you thinking? He asked himself. He had been surprised when she had held on to him like that. He had held her at the hospital, but now it was different. He had held her not only because she needed it but because he needed it as well. He pulled the blanket over him. He could still smell her rosy-soap scent on him. His arms felt a little empty now not holding her.

The days passed in and out of themselves. Duo’s condition changed slightly, but he still didn’t wake up. The prognosis wasn’t looking good if he didn’t come out of the coma soon. Hilde stayed with him every day, leaving only when Sallie insisted at 6PM every night. And every day Heero stayed with her, drove her home, made sure she ate and slept. Her crying spells were less often, but instead she often sat, melancholy, showing almost no emotion on her face if she could help it. Heero devotedly looked after her, and occasionally they would find themselves together on the couch, or on her bed, just holding each other.

One night he heard her crying again and went upstairs, knocking then entering as usual. He reached out for Hilde and she held on to him. He stroked her back, trying to calm her down. She stopped crying and he began to pull away, but she held on to his arm. “No, stay, just stay for a few more minutes.” He looked at her, not knowing what to do. She looked deep into his eyes, brushing away the hair that blocked her view. He tensed for a moment as her hand touched his face. She drew her face close to his, and slowly, softly, brought her mouth to his. Her lips felt gentle and sweet on his own. Suddenly he pulled away.

“Oh my god, Heero, I’m sorry,” she exclaimed, pushing him back a little, shocked at her own actions. “No, it’s ok. Shhh. Go to sleep, Hilde,” he called softly to her as he rose from the bed.

That morning was a little awkward. Hilde shyly came down the stairs, hoping to brush by Heero on her way to the hospital, knowing that he would insist on coming with her. She peeked into the kitchen and saw him making breakfast. Damnit Hilde, it would be better if you just went in and talked to him about it. Said it was a mistake and laugh it off. It will be fine.

“Heero?” she spoke cautiously as she entered the kitchen. “Good morning, Hilde.” “Heero, I’m sorry about last night—” “Don’t be. When one is under a lot of emotional stress they sometimes do things they don’t expect to or normally wouldn’t.” “Thanks,” she said, not sure what she was saying thanks for—the explanation, or the kiss? It had been a wonderful kiss, and she hadn’t been able to sleep for a long time afterwards. Duo was the only guy she had ever kissed before. Kissing Heero had shocked herself and excited herself at the same time. She felt a little guilt later, thinking of Duo, but knowing that he would understand something as trivial as a kiss.

Or was it that trivial? She had thought about it for so long afterwards. So had Heero. He had gone back to the couch and tossed and turned for hours, something he never did. He was always able to get sleep when he needed it—he was trained to. But last night he had thought about Hilde’s kiss, her hand on his face, and he knew that he had wanted it. And worse, he wanted more. His best friend’s girlfriend. His best friend is lying in the hospital, in a coma, and he shared a kiss with Hilde. He had savored the taste of her lips, the softness of her skin on his.

Maybe it was better if he left.
“Hilde, are you sure you want me staying here anymore?” he asked after a moment. She looked up from the kitchen table, puzzled. “Of course I do. Heero, I don’t know how or why, but I just need you now. I don’t want to be alone. Having you around makes it a little easier to bear, knowing your Duo’s best friend and all. But if you want to go, you can. I’ll be fine.”

Yeah. You’re a pretty good liar, Hilde, he thought to himself. I can see it in your eyes, though. You want me, too. This could be bad.

Heero shut the door as Hilde hung up her coat. It had been a rough day at the hospital. Duo’s vitals had begun to fluctuate and Sallie said if things didn’t change soon his chances of recovering were going to be slim to none. Hilde had cried again—all day. The last two weeks she had managed to compose herself quite well in the hospital, saving her crying for the privacy of her room (or the softness of Heero’s shoulder), but today she had just lost it.

Hilde went straight upstairs to take a shower and clear her head. She missed Duo so much. She almost couldn’t bear to look at him any more in the hospital—each day that passed by he looked a little different. His weight was dropping, his color fading.

And each day that went by with Heero was becoming torture. Her feelings for Duo had never changed—it was just the physical longing for contact. And she could sense that Heero had been deprived of it as well. For her, it had only been a matter of a month or so. For him, possibly his whole life. It was getting bad. She knew that something could happen that they would both regret. She made up her mind that in the morning she would tell Heero she didn’t need him anymore and that she would be fine. He would understand—he was the one who had first suggested he leave.

She stepped out of the shower, drying off, and throwing on her baby pink tank-top and matching sleep shorts over her underwear, she wrapped her bathrobe around her and walked into her bedroom.

She sat on the bed in her robe for a moment, rubbing her head with the towel, when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Heero’s coming to check on me, she thought to herself with a smile.

He knocked on her door. “Hilde?”
“Come in.” He opened the door and took one step in, not coming any further. He was wearing boxers and his green tank-top. She smiled at him. “Just checking on you.” He started to back out of the door and stopped. He couldn’t help but look at her, still dripping a little in her bathrobe. He imagined how soft her skin must feel right now, that rosy-soap smell. She realized he had hesitated, and as she looked at him, his toned muscles bulging out of that green tank top, she knew her self control was slipping away.

In a moment she had risen from the bed and was walking towards him. He moved to step out but instead shut the door behind him, and he leaned up against the door. He swallowed hard as she stepped right up to him, once again brushing the hair from his face with her hand.

“Heero, I know I shouldn’t, but—”
“Hilde,” he interrupted, placing his hand on hers, trying to stop her, but she stopped his protest with her mouth on his. In another moment he lost all control and was kissing her back, his tongue darting into her mouth, screaming his need of physical contact, to be touched, to be held. Hilde’s robe came off and their eyes closed, lost in the kiss. Their hands moved on each other’s backs, under each other’s tops, until both were pulled off over their heads. They tumbled back to Hilde’s bed, each sliding the other’s shorts off, and Heero tugging until her underwear came off. Then Heero stopped, pulling away, looking at her body.

Hilde carefully took his hand in hers. “Heero,” she began, but he interrupted her again. “I’ve never done this before.” She smiled a little as he blushed—yes, Heero Yuy flushed red. “It’s ok, Heero.” She was leaning back, propped up on the pillows, and he was sitting back on his knees, just looking at her. The hand she held she brought to her face, running it down from her forehead, across her cheek, down her chin and neck, to her left breast. He gently brushed the nipple with his fingertips, and she guided him down the rest of her body. She took her own hand and did the same to him, running it down his face, his chest and hardened muscles, down to his shaft below. He closed his eyes as she touched him, and realized suddenly he wanted to feel her, feel all of her against him. She nodded and opened her legs as he carefully moved between her, and pushed in. He moved until he was completely inside her and completely on top of her, then took her hand in his own and their fingers entwined. He could feel her body touching him everywhere. He had never felt like this—never been this close to anyone before. Then suddenly he realized he needed to move, and he began moving in and out, a slow rhythm. Their breathing became heavy and ragged as they continued, slowly, every so torturously slow, to the climax. They came together.

Heero collapsed, just laying his head on her chest, trying to catch his breath. Hilde wrapped her arms around him. Never, never had it been like that with Duo. It had never been so gentle, so—scary. It was like she was scared of hurting him. She was startled when she realized there was a wetness on her arm—it was Heero’s tears. He was making no noise other than his breathing, but he had shed tears on her arm.

After a few minutes he rolled off of her to her side, his hand clutching hers again. His tears had stopped.


They said nothing more for a few minutes, both pondering what had just happened. “Hilde, I’d better leave. We don’t want this to happen again.” “I know,” she responded, biting her lip so she wouldn’t cry. “I’m sorry.” “I’m as much at fault as you are.” He rose from the bed, pulling on his boxers and his tank top. She pulled the sheets up over her body, and a tear began to escape her eye. Heero turned back to her, and brushed the tear from her face. “Shhh. Don’t cry. You’ve got to be strong now. If you need anything, you can call me, or call Sallie. But I can’t stay here anymore.”

He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. She smiled under her tears. “Heero.” That was all she could say as he walked out the door.

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…to be continued…