I like Heero, but I made this up because people need some humor

I like Heero, but I made this up because people need some humor

about Heero Yuy every once and a while



How to be Heero (Well...Close)

An Easy 10 Step Program

Step 1 ~ Fashion Sense ~ Get

yourself some Heero clothes.

We will go with the classic

Spandex pants. Get yourself

a pair of spandex pants. They

should be approximately 2

inches wide and 4 inches tall

before being worn. (They

stretch. A lot.) Note: Barbie

doll pants also work. They are

*about* the same size.)

Step 2 ~ Neat Hair ~ If you survived

step 1, get yourself a new hairdo, baby!

That mop of yours will never cut it as a

Gundam Pilot! Hey... go look in a

mirror. Yeah I'm talking to you. Do

you look like Heero? Not yet... SO.

Grab a pair of hedge trimmers, and a

blindfold. Have somebody blindfold

you, then spin you around like a pinata

game. After you are nice and dizzy, try

cutting your hair. Yup. You heard

me... That'll give you the Yuy look. It's

all the rage in Paris... Note: Standing

under helicopter blades while they are

rotating also gives the same effect. I

don't recommend this, though.

Step 3 ~ Cold Glare ~ Heero always has

a way of scaring people simply by

staring at them weird. Try it. Stare at

the screen, looking angry. ... ... ...


you. Trust me. OK if this helps,

imagine that Lieutenant Zechs has just

blown up your garage. Angry now?


(actually... it isn't...but lets just move


Step 4 ~ The Voice ~ This one is

self-explanatory. Just try and speak in

a deep, soothing, somewhat angry

voice. Let me hear you. Just say

"Mission Accomplished" or something

like that. It really makes you feel good,

too. Note: You're Heero Yuy not


Step 5 ~ Psycho Laugh ~ One of Yuy's

best features is his laugh. It's a

psychotic laughter that usually only

villains get to have. Consider it a gift.

If you want to be Heero, you have to be

able to laugh. 1...2...3...


try that. Take a deep breath and...

*covers ears* Ah...er...that was

good...somehow lacking the qualities

I've been speaking of and replacing

them with that of an annoyed walrus,

but... good enough... next step please

*rolls eyes*

Step 6 ~ Get yo' self a

Gundam, fool! ~ If you're

gonna be the most ruthless

pilot of all time, get yourself

a Gundam. Where are you

going to get one? Does it look

like I KNOW??? Note:

Toasters, Happy Meal boxes,

and small mammals DO NOT COUNT


Step 7 ~ Does your Gundam Kick

Butt? ~ Blow up the next commercial

jet you see with your new Gundam.

And don't come whining to me when

you get embarassed, sued, or arrested

for damaging aircraft. YOU'RE the

one who wanted to be like Heero.

Step 8 ~ Threats ~ OK. Heero is always

threatening people. Some beginner

threats you can use are, "Get out of my

way, get out of my life, leave me alone

or die," "this gun has 6 barrels of

rotating death. Any questions?" or the

ever classic saying nothing and just

blowing up random stuff. Note: It is

NOT threatening to walk up to people

and ask "HEY! What would you do for a

Klondike Bar?!"

Step 9 ~ The Big Test ~ the Perfect

Soldier, eh? Let's see how you add up.

Follow these three instructions:

A. Jump in a pool of rabid shark

monkeys and recite the Gettysburg


B. Climb to the top of a building and

jump off 368 times.

C. Catch a tiger, a lion, and a cheetah,

then run around with steaks screaming




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